Past Regrets and Future Hopes
by li-flower
Summary: We live in the present but are shaped by what has happened in the past and what the future holds. A collection of poems, oneshots, and even songfics about various Full Moon wo Sagashite characters. Based on the manga. May contain spoilers.
1. Reasons

Summary: An Izumi-centric poem, exploring his reasons for being

A/N: This is my Full Moon wo Sagashite fanfic. I have become obsessed with the series even though I've only read up to Vol. 6 (don't have any more scans and it's licensed). I was suddenly inspired to write this, and I will probably continue as I have another quick FMwS fic in mind. Hana Li

Disclaimer: I do not own Full Moon wo Sagashite.

_Reasons_

I was born  
To make you cry  
So I decided to end your suffering  
And forget my pain.  
I died  
So you could smile again  
Because I loved you.

I was re-born,  
And I refused to cry  
As I suffered for my sin,  
Recalling every painful memory.  
When you died,  
I saw your smile,  
But I wanted you to love me.

My heart was born again  
When she cried for me.  
She suffers too  
So I tried to shield her from additional pain,  
But now I know, I died that day  
To find the one who smiles for me,  
The one I love.


	2. Forgiveness

Summary: After his brief encounter with Takuto, Wakaouji-sensei confronts demons of the past.

A/N: Poor Wakaouji-sensei. No matter how hard he tries to move on, the past always comes back to haunt him. At least he found his true love. I always did wonder what went through his head when he saw Takuto in the flesh. I hope you enjoy my interpretation (wow, that just sounded really strange since this is a rather depressing fic). Hana Li

Disclaimer: I do not down Full Moon wo Sagashite.

_Forgiveness_

It wasn't possible. Kira Takuto was dead– but there he was, standing right before my eyes. He was the splitting image of the talented but obnoxious boy– my band mate– except he was a young man now. Before I knew it, the name slipped out of my mouth. "Takuto. . ."

My mind may have been playing tricks, but why now? Are you punishing me, Takuto, for returning to the music business? Every ounce of logic in my body says that this can't be happening, yet I know it's him. There's no mistaking those eyes, that voice. You are Kira Takuto from Route L.

He first appeared to have forgotten me, but then I saw the pain in his eyes. It was like the look he gave me right before he jumped. The image of those sad blue orbs haunted me every day. I couldn't let him die, not after Aoi and Hazuki-san had their lives taken away so early. The idea of loneliness was unbearable, but regret turned out to be much worse. Takuto, do you still hate me?

I tried to redeem myself with Mitsuki-chan. Do you remember how you said you'd protect her? With you and Aoi gone, I vowed to stay by her side. I had lost enough loved ones, and so when she came down with throat cancer, I gave her a choice– like I should have given you. It was the only thing I could do, but it wasn't enough. She ran away to become a singer. I had no choice but to break a promise I made to myself– to never be involved with the entertainment industry again– in order to fulfill a promise I made to two friends.

What were you trying to tell me, Takuto? Why did you appear and suddenly run away? Could it be that you're protecting Mitsuki-chan as well? I blew my chance to apologize so I'll do it now. I'm sorry, Takuto. Will you ever forgive me? Because I can't forgive myself.


	3. Requiem

Summary: On the edge of a building, Takuto sings his last song.

A/N: Yet another dark,depressing poem. I really connected w/ Takuto's character and this poem b/c I'd probably do the same thing if I wasn't able to write anymore. So if there's any OOC-ness, it's b/c I've incorporated parts of me into the poem. --Hana Li

This one goes out to Amberez. Thank you for your review; it was very encouraging.

Disclaimer: I do not own Full Moon wo Sagashite.

_Requiem_

I stand on the edge of the stage  
Of life and death,  
Again.  
Unwillingly I was pulled  
Behind life's curtain,  
But now the choice is mine–  
Or is it?  
I can't bear  
The silence of life  
So I'll sing  
The melody of death,  
My requiem.  
I dedicate this final performance  
To listeners on both sides:  
Apologizing to the one I'll leave,  
Calling the one I hope to see.  
Did I disappoint either of you?  
This is who I am,–  
You have to accept it–  
A song-writer  
Composing his own destiny.  
There is no encore,  
No looking back.  
Ready to dive,  
I take the step  
And lose myself to the harmony.  
I am. . .  
Falling. 


	4. First Love

Summary: It's hard to let go, especially when you're suddenly reminded of an old flame. Takuto and Hikari were a couple when they were just teenagers, but that was the distant past. Now they have to tie up some loose ends and move on. However, you can never forget your first love.

A/N: The idea came into me suddenly one night. I had found the chapters dealing with Takuto and Hikari to be too brief, and again, I felt the need to get inside the characters' heads. Originally this was just going to be a story, but after listening to Hikaru Utada's "First Love," I thought this would make the perfect song fic. --Hana Li

Major props to tamashiix for her review. Thanks for the compliment; I try my best to empathize with the characters.

Disclaimer: Full Moon wo Sagashite belongs to Arina Tanemura and "First Love" belongs to Hikaru Utada.

**First Love**

_Saigo no kiss wa  
Tabako no flavor ga sita  
Nigakute setsunai kaori  
_

How could he have forgotten about her? Hikari, that wild girl. She loved to tease him and stir up tabloid rumors. Although she was younger, she was already a skilled player in the game of love. On the other hand, Takuto had no idea how to deal with the opposite sex, despite having hoards of female fans since the age of twelve. So he let her take the lead. He knew that she was only using him, that their relationship was just for "fun." However, he couldn't help but have feelings for her. She was his first after all.

_Ashita no imagoro niwa  
Anata wa doko ni irun darou  
Dare wo omotterun darou  
_

She stared at the ring he had given her so long ago. They were only teenagers, and it wasn't like she was going to get married. Takuto was supposed to be her rock star fling, but he turned out to be much more. When she was around him, she wasn't Hikari the young model or Hikari the mischievous beauty; she was just Hikari. He had been able to get past the emotional barriers she put up in order to succeed in a demanding industry. Unfortunately, she didn't acknowledge her feelings until it was too late. He was the first person who liked her for who she was.

_You are always gonna be my love  
Itsuka darekato mata koi ni ochitemo  
I'll remember to love  
You taught me how  
You are always gonna be the one  
Ima wa mada kanashi love song  
Atarashi uta utaeru made_

Hikari believed in miracles and second chances. She wasn't going to let this slip, even if he did turn out to be the wrong guy. It was selfish of her to hang on to an old flame when she was engaged, but she wore _his _ring, not the _other _man's. Her chemistry with this guy, who seemed so like Takuto yet different, let her disappear into the past. Forget about unfinished business; let's run away and be together.

_Tachidomaru jikan ga  
Ugokidasou to shiteru  
Wasuretaku nai koto bakari_

He couldn't keep Mitsuki waiting, but he had loose ends to tie up. It was harder than he thought. She was being persistent. He wanted to get things over with; Hikari was just a teenage crush. However, when he felt her lips upon his, old emotions came rushing back. They were so strong, hers too. How come she didn't show it when they were together? Takuto was caught up in the past, in a time when he was naive and carefree. This was what could have been if things had turned out differently.

_Ashitamo ima donno ni wa  
Watashi wa kitto naiteiru  
Anata mo omo teru mm na hai  
_

It was crazy to kiss some random guy off the street, but that was how Hikari behaved. Anyway, he turned out to not be a stranger. Even if he denied it, she knew Takuto's touch. It caused her heart to rush, out of lust and fear. He possessed the ability to look past her perfectly crafted image, and it unnerved her so much that she pushed him away. Not this time though. She had to hang on because as much as she feared showing her true emotions, she feared letting them go.

_You will always be inside my heart  
Itsumo anata dakeno basho ga arukara  
I hope that I have a place in your heart too  
Now and forever you are still the one  
Ima wa mada kanashi love song  
Atarashi uta utaeru made_

Although his heart belonged to another, he would never forget Hikari. He used to see her as fearless and out of control. In reality, she felt the need to control everything and was afraid to relinquish it. She threw herself at guys with reckless abandon in search of love and broke their hearts because she couldn't share a piece of her. He was glad that he could help her see that, but she couldn't love a dead man. Their reunion had caught him off guard, and he would have to fix a few things with Mitsuki. Nevertheless, he was grateful because it gave him the conviction to sacrifice everything for the one he loved now.

_You are always gonna be my love  
Itsuka darekato mata koi ni ochitemo  
I'll remember to love  
You taught me how  
You are always gonna be the one  
Ima ha mada kanashi love song  
Atarashii uta utaerumade_

It would take some time to get over Takuto because she never had the chance to say "good-bye" until now. While he had changed so much, she stayed the same. It was pathetic, considering that he was so stubborn back then. This was the first time someone had broken up with her. Who knew that the tables would be turned, by Kira Takuto no less? She took off the ring and put it somewhere safe. There were no hard feelings because he had taught her a few things. Like how to _live_. She was young, and she should enjoy the present as not Hikari the stylist to the stars or Hikari the rich man's young fiancee, but just Hikari. And someday she'd find someone who loved her that way.

_Now and forever_


End file.
